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Oh is that a fact!?... [13 Nov 2006|01:11am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Holy Crap, Alot has happened since June, being my last entry. In a nutshell...

-I've had Lyme Disease for a month
-I've been confused about a lot of things in my life
-I'd like to get out of Community College, but I'm a horrible student and I don't know when that is going to happen.
-I'm not accepting change well in life
-I miss some old people
-I feel as though many peoples lives have changed and they've experienced so much, but i've never actually done anything entirely exciting. I just makes me kind of bummed out.
-I've been exausted so I think im going to shower and get to bed shortly, but im feeling a lot better. :]

alright, catch you all around.
<3 Dawah

2 comments|post comment

memories. [28 Jun 2006|12:51pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

woah, I looked through pictures and listened to old songs that truely bring me back in time. I remember the memorable things and it made me miss people I havn't seen in ages. It kind of stinks that times have to change and that things cant just stay the same. poo

Its good to remember these things though.

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uh yay! [11 Mar 2006|07:25pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

You know, I really don't like writing about negative things. I was a little hesitant to even write in here because I don't like people knowing my business but whatever I needed to clear my head a little. I've been feeling so sad lately. I really don't know what causes it, but I just feel like life is so dual and that im such a boring person. I don't do anything, I just sit home and do homework and then when im out It's usually that im working. Which don't get me wrong I love my job, so I don't mind working. It's the only thing I look forward too.

I thought that I had overcome my shyness and antisocialness (if that's even a word)over the years but now i've back-tracked and barely talk too anyone. It's not that I don't want too, it's that I feel like im better off being by myself. Im not looking for any sympathy, really im not. I shouldn't have even wrote in this but I figure nobody uses livejournal anymore so it shouldn't matter. There are so many things I have always wanted out of life by the time I was 20, well im going too be 20 in about 3 weeks and I have yet to achieve any of these things. I feel like i'm a failure at life. I really hope nobody reads this.

who wants to know... [12 Feb 2006|05:42pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

You know, I honest don't know what the complete point of this is because the journal is public and other people read it so it's not like im going to write down my most intense personal thoughts.

Well I will say that I do have a lot going on in my life right now. I have come to recognize some aspects in my life and why things are the way they are. I'm not entirely sure how to change them because it takes time. An extremely personal part of my life I have just opened up about and I don't know how to handle it. The idea is all so new to discuss. Again it takes time and I need to learn to except it and not ignor it. In addition, I have soo much friggin school work.

signing out...

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Somebody please save me!! [04 Jan 2006|11:40pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I need to vent before I completely pull my all of my hair out and start throwing things against the wall.

As I referred to in my previous entry my grandmothers building caught on fire, which has turned to her staying with us until she found a new place. Well my dad works and my aunt works but my aunt can take off once in a while. However; no, all responsibilty becomes completely mine and nobody elses. For the past 2 weeks straight I have taken her everywhere to the point that she has taken full advantage of me. She has turned me into her slave. I love her don't get me wrong but I never even went to go visit her that often at her place because she can get to me sometimes. Well she has gotten past the point of getting to me, she has purely GOTTEN to me. I have had no life of my own for 2 weeks. She has been waking me up early every morning for the past 2 weeks. I have been the one to move everything out of her place. Take her to places to discuss her money arrangements for her next place. I have taken her to places to help find her another place. I have taken her to meetings. I have taken her to any place managable she needed to go. I have delievered all of her mail. Hell I even found her the fucking place she is moving into next week. I swear she better move in next week. Not only does she not ask me if she can go here or there but she demands almost, then when we get to that place she takes her good old time and is completely inconsiderate and just says things such as and I quote "well we'll wait a half hour or so for the return call" giving out my aunt number when I told her to give out my cell phone so we didn't have to sit at my aunts house for hours at a time. I sure as hell wish I was a bitch right now. I know she appreciates all I have done for her but she has a pretty shitty way of showing it.

Onto the next topic of frustration. I have promised my other grandmother that I would take her out places for the past 2 weeks, but the other grandmother thinks im her bitch and have to do anything SHE wants me to do all for her. I feel horrible because I have told this grandmother I'd take her out. Not only do I feel obligated to actually take her out like I said I would, but my mothers sister is getting more mental than she ever has. She has always been rediculously nutty but now she is beggining to threaten my grandma hardcore and Im not down with that. In words of understanding, she has been mentally abusing my grandmother for years but my grandmother is in denile, so we can report all we want and nothing will happen because of denile. She has been stealing all of her money since my grandpa died. She has been an evil peice of shit since my grandpa died. She has gotten my uncle locked up for a year because of some crap she pulled. She needs to die and burn in hell frankly. She is now threatening my grandma not to come to my brothers wedding next month and I swear to god if she tells her not to go I will go pound on her door and give that basterd a peice of my mind. To make a long story shorter than it is at the moment. We really need to get my grandma out of the place. She lives right under the evil witch and gets screamed at everyday and abused with words such as "you are worthless". (Well I have some news for you, you pyscho mother fucker!!!!22). Im really about to ditch out with my other grandmother and tell her to handle all of her own shit, because this is much more important. I really really need to find my grandma a place to move where she can finally live peaceful. I think she is at that point where she may aggree to move. My aunt at the current moment has been abusing her for so many years, that my grandma is terrified of her.

I'm literally going insane with everything. The new years it completely depressing because of the no relationship aspect. I dont know what to do about anything and I need to go to an island and live by myself for a few months.

ok bye.

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no words... [27 Dec 2005|05:51pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

It's really sad around here right now from everything that is going on.
Between the death of a friends little brother and my grandmothers building burning down. My grandmother hears the emergency bells go off thinking nothing of it but another annoyance. Therefore, she leaves everything including medication and taking nothing but her shoes and coat. To her surprise her building is starting to go up in flames. She has no where to live right now but with us, nor does she have any of her memorable belongings that she'd like to hold on to. She has been balling all day and I do not know what to do. So much is going on right now, I just hope everything works out okay in the end. This is going to be the worst new years for a few of us. If anyone knows of any independant senior housing in the area please let me know.

RIP James Brugh

3 comments|post comment

Do Not Read... [05 Dec 2005|12:56am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Dear Kids,
Your Aunt Viv and I would both like to apologize for the incident which occured on Thanksgiving this year. We both felt strongly about the turkey neck, but certainly those feelings are not as strong as the feelings for the members of our family.

Please accept our apologies. I'm sure next year will be much better.

Uncle Jay


Dear Everyone,

I'm sorry, I can't write to

each of you individually, but

our family counselor said

it was important to get

this letter out to everyone

as quickly as possible.

It's sad that we have to

send a message like this.

We realize that almost all

of you who gave money to

Little Jay gave it in good

faith, but please, DO NOT

loan Jay Junior any

more money.

Jay Junior wasn't trying to

take advantage of anyone.

He just wanted to be certain

that he was getting enough

foods from the Meat Group.

The meat that can be returned,

will be. The meat that has

already gone bad, Jay Junior

will pay for out of his own

pocket. All of your money

will be returned.



Brad came over and we were playing with stuff in the garage.

We were making secret potions out of the cleaning chemicals. And we were laughing really hard.

And one secret potion stained part of the floor of the garage a greenish yellow color.

And my Dad put his head in to say it was time for dinner and then he wanted to see what was so funny. But we didn't want to say.

Then Dad came over to see and Brad was EATING FOIL

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[28 Nov 2005|01:43am]
I crave, I plead, I beg for this semester to be over already...It has been nothing but hell.

As for life, it hasn't been too bad. There are some new things going on in my life that are very new to me. Oh and my folks went away this weekend and...oh you missed the huge party...bummer. hah Im just kidding, I had a couple of people over. It was very fun.

I love my job, I really do. it's such a good environment to work around. The people, the fellow workers and of course the animals.

that's it, I need to go get ready for bed. I hope everyone is doing well!
peace out!
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[07 Nov 2005|04:42pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

I learned a thing about life today.
It's a lesson learned only through living.
you have those friends that help you grow, they make a huge impact in your life.
Without their knowledge, these friends have taught you so much.
It's not taught by teaching, but by doing those things that you always looked at as being pointless.
Later on you releize they weren't so pointless.
The things they encouraged you for and you never understand why.
When your friendship grew apart by growing older and you suddenly have new interests.
You know that they will always be in your life some way or another.

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Untitled [17 Sep 2005|08:08pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Here's a story that will tear you to shreads...

Today at work I saw something that really got to me but made me cry later on out of happiness. It made me relieze how sick this world is and how arrogant and cruel some people really are. A very nice couple went downtown for a nice evening, but what do they see...they see people throwing rocks at a pit bull. The dog sat there in fear hoping that it will stop, probably wondering what he did wrong and why he deserves this. The couple then pulls over to go help the dog. They go over to the dog, not sure if he will go near them but the dog didn't run...just looked at the couple hoping they wouldn't hurt him. The animal was too weak to even try to run if he wanted to. Therefore, the man picks the medium sized dog up and places him in his car in order to save his life.

That night, they rush over to the 24 hour veternarian center at 3 am. for this stray dog they wanted to save. Damage to the dog consisted of more than a dozen wounds all over the dogs body, some type of tumor under his stomach and his neck expanded due to some type of liquid in the throat. Today the couple came in to check on this abused homeless animal. I bring the animal (whom is doing much better) to visit his heros...immediatly right after that exam room door opens the dog flys into the mans arms and gives him a giant kiss on his face as if he knew that he saved his life. After treatments and observations are through they plan to keep the sweet affectionate dog.

I never want to hear anyone say, animals don't understand...

4 comments|post comment

URRRGHH.. [15 Aug 2005|11:48pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

who cares what A+50,000-B=..for all I care A can call B up and fuck it!

1 comment|post comment

lets all freeze time so we don't have to go back to school. [14 Aug 2005|12:41pm]
[ mood | Stiff ]

lets see..

My current life status involves many positive and negative aspects.
For starters, I've been working my ass off trying to pass this math class that im so strongly having a difficult time passing because im a well to put it in terms that could be understood..im a dumbass that does not comprehend any sort of numbers mixed with letters. I honestly do not think that im going to be passing. Now I have to drop stat which I'm sure I wouldn't be able to pass anyways. Hello Algebra once again, we're becoming such good friends!

To switch to a positive note, my new job is going well. I really enjoy it despite the long hours. I've learned so much, more then I ever thought I could. It's such a pressuring job though, not that it's a bad thing because it really makes you focus. If I mess up medications, it could be deadly for the animal. Therefore, ive kind of just completely taught myself to always pay attention carefully something I didn't think I was capable of doing. I like having more responsiblities. Right when I started, I had so much thrown at me at once that I HAVE TO know. It evens out having to deal with a lot of people, which isn't to bad because people who have animals are typically good caring people and easy to deal with.

Returning to the negative note..my piece of sheet car has completely gone wacko. It's beginning to have a mind of it's own, seriously though it does whatever it cares to do. dun dun dun. No really though, it's driving me crazy everytime I turn around it has another issue with it. This time my alternator light came up with my automatic brake system light along with my brake light. As soon as my alternator light comes up I know that's bad news from past experiences. Plus I just replaced the alternator, so I don't understand this crap. So to make a long story short all my lights popped up all at once. I've never seen this before and I coasted into some housing development.

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YAAYY! [21 Jul 2005|11:32pm]
[ mood | determined ]

I finally got a new job at another Veternarian Clinic. They offered me a position as technician. :] I'm really excited to start here, it's a good place plus everyone seems very friendly. Therefore, goodbye to $6 an hour and hello to more pay and better experiences. Tomorrow is the day for giving 2 weeks notice. FUUUCKING YEEAHH!!

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what a bright young man. [13 Jul 2005|07:55pm]
This reportedly is an actual job application a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg B. (Name withheld to protect the guilty)

SEX: Not yet.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.


LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.



PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?


DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.


1 comment|post comment

[04 Jul 2005|03:22am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I felt the need to update considering my life has improved over the past week. The main improvement is that I made a promise to myself to clear the slate with people I have had fallouts with in the past. The result of doing so has had succh a positive effect. I now have people back in my life that at some point meant alot to me. we had been through soo much in the past and let our conflicts and thoughts get in the way of our friendships. These people have dissapeared from my life for several months. It was the biggest mistake I ever made because they are such amazing people and we have so much fun together. Im just so angry that I let such stupied things mess up our friendships when it could have been avoided in the first place if only we handled things differently. I've missed out on celebrating loads of events, occasions and celebrations that I know would have mean't a lot. I also strongly regret and feel horrible about any harmful words or actions taken against them. Hopefully our friendships build stronger than ever and we learn from our mistakes. I know I have learned and will continue learning what's more important in life.

Goodnight all.

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These are kinda fun. [21 May 2005|05:49pm]
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie remind me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. Put this in your journal
7 comments|post comment

[21 May 2005|04:36pm]
[ mood | sad ]

I've been kind of sad lately. I feel like a horrible person. These great people try and get me to spend time with them often yet its always excuse after excuse. They aren't the friends I know, nor will I allow them to get to know me. It's hard to actually meet new people. I hate it and can not do it. School sucks, I suck, Life sucks. I miss the past, Im just so sick of fucking everything up. It's the only thing I know though. Well on a lighter note, I get to repeat math for 2nd time...BULLSHIT!

im a fucker yes.Collapse )

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for the bordom part of you.. [14 May 2005|11:16pm]
[ mood | confused ]

1. Slept in your bed: welllllll..it should have just been me.
2. Saw you cry: i dont know.
3. Made you cry: what didnt
4. Spent the night with you: I havnt had a sleepover in centuries.
5. You shared a drink with: I stole my moms drink at dinner.
6. You went to the movies with: hm..that was a while ago. the last movie I saw was spanglish or something and I have no idea with who
7. You went to the mall with: my grandma
8. Yelled at you: parents probably
9. Sent you an email: hmm, well my mailbox was full the other day from garfield cartoons, humane society, oceana and teacher responses.
10. You kissed: ugh so long ago lol

11. Said "I Love You" and meant it: just to my parents
12. Gotten in a fight with your pet(s): with my pets? my dog is my best friend, we get a long just fine.
13. Been to New York: mmhm
14. Been to Florida: mmhm..Disney World representing hah
15. Been to California: I wish
16. Been to Hawaii: nahh
17. Been to Mexico: nope
18. Been to China: cant recall
19. Been to Canada: maan i havn't been anywhere
20. Danced naked: in the shower I make up rutines sometimes if im in a good mood
21. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: that'd be freaky
22. Wish you were the opposite sex: depends what the situation is that a guy is a helpful necessity
23. Had an imaginary friend: actully ill admit..as a youngen yes. does this explain anything?

24. Red or blue: blue
25. Spring or Fall: fall
26. Are you bored: often
27. Last noise you heard: the tower
28. Last time you went out of the state: mmm Cinncinati to stay with my cousin for a few days.
29. Things you like in a girl/guy: funny, trustworthy, caring, good conversationalist, pretty eyes and smile.
30. Do you have a crush on someone: my mouth is zipped. ha
31. What book are you reading now: at random times.."chicken soup for the teenage soul" I and II.
32. Worst feeling in the world: caring about someone and them not caring back.
33. What is the first thing you think when you wake up: raisen bran this morning!?
34. How many rings before you answer: depends what my caller ID says
35. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: not with any in particular but i have them scattered on my bed sometimes.
36. If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be: hmm definatly somewhere around animals.
37. Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous: actully ambigextrous..I eat and write with my left but play sports and do other various activities with my right.
38. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: yepp..thank you keyboarding class!
39. What's under your bed: at home: shoes and bags
40. Favorite sport to watch: ice skating, basketball, volleyball..however not when they try and take the maryland games and replace the wb shows for the night! grr
41. What was the first sandwhich you remember eating? pb&j?
42. Siblings: brother brett.
43. Location: Baltimore son.
44. College plans: community college for 2 years then transfering somewhere..
45. Piercings: alright..tummy, tragus and 8/9 others on the ears.
46. Boyfriend/Girlfriend: sigh..no

47. Do you do drugs: nah
48. Do you drink: not really
49. Who is your best friend: hilary, melissa and my dog.
50. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use: head and shoulders.
51. What are you most scared of: being lonely
52. What clothes do you sleep in: pants and usually an old bat/bar mitzvah t-shirt.
53. Who is the last person who called you: hilary
54. Where do you want to get married: on a beach, digging our toes into the sand :]
55. Who do you really hate: people who talk out of their ass and people who brainwash others.
56. Favorite number: ummm..whatever feels lucky at the time.
57. Been in Love?: neh
58. Are you timely or always late: depends where im going..if its school then yeeahh.
59. Do you have a job: mmhm I work at a veternarian center
60. Do you like being around people: certain people
61. Best feeling in the world: knowing that your cared about
62. Are you for world peace: yes I am, however sometimes you have no choose but to fight for what you want.
63. Are you a health freak: kind of yea.

64. Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: Im not sure really..
65. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: are you kidding..
66. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: nope, mostly just a good person and I have some attraction towards them.
67. Want someone you don't have right now: mmhm
68. Are you lonely right now: yes
69. Ever afraid you'll never get married: yepp. I get angry when my parents talk about me getting married someday, because i dont see it.
70. Do you want to get married: yea I guess so.
71. Do you want kids/if yes, how many: neh, their brats.

72. Room in house: I chill out in my room untill the end of time.
73. Type(s) of music: Rock, pop, punk, oldies, ska and more.
74. Band: umm I really dont have a favorite. I like female bands a lot and I guess im big on "The Honorary Title"
75. Memory: when I could be happy all the time.
76. Day of the week: saturday because its a mother f'in frrreee day :]
77. Color: green
78. Perfume or cologne: well I like to spray perfume but colonge especially axe its amaaaazing.
79. Month: july...summer@!

80. Cried: yes
81. Bought something: a triple cube shelf kit to put up in my room for storage.
82. Gotten sick: not right now.
83. Sang: yes
84. Said "I Love You": I dont think so.
85. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: depends how you think of this question..
86. Met someone new: not resently..im not really looking to meet new people right now.
87. Moved on: no
88. Talked to someone: yes
89. Missed someone: yes
90. Hugged someone: no
91. Kissed someone: no
92. Fought with your parents: nahh
93. Had a lot of sleep: im horribly lacking sleep.

94. been drunk: yeah
95. smoked pot:
96. kissed a member of the opposite sex: yes
97. kissed a member of the same sex: just a peck
98. crashed a friend's car: no thank goodness, that'd suck.
99. been to japan: hmm interesting idea but no
100. ridden in a taxi: yes
101. been in love: nope for like the 3rd time. ha
102. had sex in public: cant say yes to this one.
103. been dumped: mmhm
104. shoplifted: yes, i think by accident
105. been fired: fucccking RITZ people. BOYCOTT them.
106. been in a fist fight: umm maybe?
107. had a threesome: nope
108. snuck out of my parent's house: of course
109. been tied up (sexually): haha no
110. been caught masturbating: nope, that would be mighty embarassing though.
111. pissed on myself: ook stop with the personal questions..lol, alright so I wasnt in a normal state of mind okay.
112. had sex with a member of the same sex: no
113. been arrested: noda
114. made out with a stranger: well it was bet thingy..a friend and i played a game of bowling with these two guys and the reward for winning was what ever we wanted. and we lost. okayy..
115. stole something from my job: no
116. celebrated new years in time square: that would be crrraaazy.
117. had a news years kiss, if so, who?: chyeeea right.
118. gone on a blind date: nah
119. lied to a friend: yea :/
120. had a crush on a teacher: uugh noo.
121. celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans: hmm..nope.
122. been to europe: nope deprived :[
123. skipped school: indeed
124. slept with a co-worker: ooh yes there was that one time..siekk NO.
125. had sex at the office: noPE
126. been married: at least 3 times, im on my 4th. not really
127. gotten divorced: no man
128. had children: not that i know of.
129. stripped at a party: nahh
130. literally crawled to your house drunk, even if just from across the street: um i guess so.
131. jumped off a bridge: ooh all the time
132. gone surfing: holyy shit I so want to do this..
133. had a mullet: ha no
134. peed in public (i.e. not in a restroom): a bush, but who doesnt.

5 comments|post comment

here awaits the life story.. [19 Apr 2005|07:40pm]
[ mood | content ]

Considering im already on this path for the night of procrastination, i figure why not expaand that time gap just a little bit. I finished most of my rough draft for my research paper yesterday, so there's just a little bit left. It's on cloning and the negative aspects of it. I also have this bullshit assignment of randomly interviewing someone. what's up with this, teach run out of ideas for work relating to what were actually talking about.

So I had a fairly decent day..and here's the shocker, I went to not one, not two but all three of my classes!!!!2 it's amazing. I went to taco bell between my classes. I'm really not liking the fact that im taking another language, its called gibberish or could be referred to as math. I dont get it! it's retarded and unnecessary and a waist of money. Oh yeah and I worked out today for a while and went to denny's following that to eat a brownie. hmmm..

Some things in my life are bothering me, but I think more good is appearing lately. It's kind of pressure being put on myself to enjoy things. I feel like im meeting a lot of neat people, but missing some old. I am very much looking foward to being done with community college next spring I have come to relieze. Therefore im looking for schools :o. So far im very interested in a few ohio schools for zoology. well thats wraps it up, I need to work on my paper.

peeeace out!

3 comments|post comment

[17 Apr 2005|04:53am]
[ mood | depressed ]

If I had a genie that granted me just one wish, id wish for the ability to know how to live life. Im so horrible at it.

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